• Jason

The Open Close: 18.4


What a week being #intheopen As the circle of life dictates things must die (The Open) for the other to grow (New AFL Season). However, the Open is far from done. With newly released information, we can draw striking similarities between Bane and Dave Castro, as this week Castro allows the people to choose their, and the fate of others. Be sure to be up at 6am tomorrow morning (or channel Zach on a Saturday and soldier through the night) because you will have your chance to choose your preferrred Open workout for 18.5!

18.4 was not a huge surprise with heavy Deadlifts and Handstand Push Ups. Like pineapple on pizza you either love or hate heavy Deadlifts. The local Pizzeria threw in some free Garlic bread and offered the opportunity of some handstand walks if you were able to eat enough of the pizza. The anchovies on the pizza was the new Handstand Push Ups standard, which not many enjoyed. However, it’s not that hard to take anchovies off, and while they leave a bit of yucky aftertaste the Pizza is still delicious.

First cab off the rank was Cooper Lindsay and it was evident the standard would be tough with legitimate reps being difficult to achieve. I didn’t think a boy from an esteemed education establishment such as his would display such vulgar language and I think if his mother found out she would wash his mouth out with soap. (Very funny though). As most people learn upon trying, the standard forces you to execute your technique with pizza cutter like precision.

To everyone’s credit I don’t think I heard anyone complain about the new standard, everyone just sucked it up and got on with it – this was in stark contrast to many around the globe who thought whining would help them. Friday Night Lights as free flowing affair with the 9 minute workout offering faster and furious entertainment. Several people hit Deadlift PRs along with a few others getting to showcase their (or in Kat’s case, lack of) Handstand Walk skill.

There have been several strange and unexplained events that have occurred through history.

  • The Ninth Legion of the Imperial Roman army consisting of over 5,000 Roman soldiers were stationed in Great Britain in 120 CE but were never mentioned again in historical records and simply disappeared from history. No one knows exactly when it was formed or lost.

  • A small crater lake in Africa killed 1,700 villagers and 3,500 livestock overnight when it suddenly released 300,000 tons of carbon dioxide suffocating everything within 16 miles. Scientists still don’t know what triggered the event.

  • In 1561, a mass sighting of a celestial phenomenon was reported over Nuremberg, Germany. It was said that there was a great space battle and even a crash landing outside the town.

  • The Inca Civilzation: Being able to develop a city like Machu Picchu buried deep within the Andes Mountains, with engineered lands for farming and massive stone formations, while only lasting for about 85 years before the city was completely abandoned.

  • Stonehenge – How and why?

All these events seem logical when put in comparison to this week’s faction scores: 1st Place: Black 383 2nd Place: Blue 426 3rd Place: Gold 446

The running totals leading into the all important final round:

1st Place: Blue 1955

2nd Place: Black 2036 3rd Place: Gold 2182

Black team in a last ditch effort to disrupt Blue threw out this feeble attack.

Even though Black managed a lucky win this week, I think this showcases their mental fatigue. “A river (Blue) cuts through rock (Black), not because of its power but because of it’s persistence.

Yellow member Duncan “Goldmember” Lane did his best to raise the spirits of the Gold team wearing what seemed to be gold cellophane wrapped around where shorts should be, leaving very little to the imagination. People were seen pouring sulfuric acid into their eyes upon seeing his groin where it looked like different fruits had been pushed violently into a plastic bag and everything was now out of shape and rotten.

Out of the Mouth Week 4: Kim Hall: (Blue) “What angel from heaven sent down those Gold shorts…”

Nadine Gyllham: (Blue) “Yeah I followed Garret Fisher home, but I was going that way anyway..”

Sasha Jones: (Blue) “With all these shirts off and short shorts it’s enough to make a girl think some evil thoughts.”

Brad Carey (Black) “I’m only terrible at Handstand Push Ups because I’m the third tallest in the gym”. Laura Tomkins: (No faction) “Carter was actually conceived as a result of those Gold Shorts”.

David Flack: (Gold) “I probably should start to kip…. After 33 Strict handstand Push Ups”[. Haha great effort!!

18.4 – The numbers 0 – Neutral spines being maintained throughout the whole workout.

6 – The amount of bulges coming from Duncan’s shorts – concerning.

8 – The amount of people who managed to get at least 1 handstand walk rep. Nice!


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